Mondaily on pregnancy and showers...

[ellenmillion]

My first two trimesters of easy sailing have decided I had it WAY too easy, and are in fits of giggles over how comparatively miserable I am now.

I was really hoping my restless sleep last week was because of the strange hotel bed, but even my blissful Tempurpedic is not giving me a solid night of sleep; although I'm willing to sleep a loooong time, it's very shattered sleep. I'm up several times with heartburn, needing to pee, and this overall total discomfort that has me stacking and unstacking my half-dozen pillows, trying different sides and angles and wraps. The snoring is very randomly problematic - I'll go days without disturbing either of us, then snore so loudly and ceaselessly that I wake up from dreams about sawmills thinking a train is coming through the walls at me and Jake is talking about moving into the nursery (having exhausted the stuffed animal arsenal throwing them at me one after another to get me to roll over). Guppy has this amazing timing for deciding to stick an elbow or a knee into a tender spot just as I'm dropping off.

I went to gaming yesterday, and we finished the campaign in great explosive glory! K asked if I was having a shower (no) and then if I wanted one (sure, why not? Provided there were no grotesque baby cakes and no games involving placenta). I was picturing just a gaming group get-together, but as I was leaving, she asked me to gather up an email list of people I'd want at the shower.

I wound up thinking about that during one of those uncomfortable sleepless points in the night. Who would I invite?

My list of closest friends is pretty slim, and two or three of them won't talk to each other (I'm honestly not sure which of them would show up, if they knew the others were invited)... and most of the rest don't know each other at all, which would make a kind of an awkward party. Honestly, if I were in their position, I'd send a card and a polite 'not available!' I would invite my sister, of course, but she only knows one or two of my friends. Keep it to the gaming girls, and there are just three of us. Add the boys, and... well, it's a perfectly acceptable party, but will Jake feel obligated to come? Because he's already made 'don't make me' noises about a shower. People at his work have asked if I was having a shower, and I suppose I could invite them, but I only know them a little, and they wouldn't know any of the other folks. Not working in an office, I have 'clients' rather than 'coworkers,' and most of them are in other states, let alone other cities. And I've got some HS friends and tangential Bellydance people on my Facebook list who are lovely people I'd like to know better, but randomly inviting them to a shower smacks of 'bring me presents!' Which I already feel awfully awkward about, because I am wretched about presents in general and find them stressful for both giving and receiving. (No, I haven't done ANY Christmas shopping yet, either. *sighs*)

At that point I had to get up and eat a bottle of Tums.

I am so dreadful at these social things.

I have accomplished the two things I really needed to today: make bread and do laundry (still needs hung up)

I desperately need to figure out where I am with the last painting fundraiser - I have dropped all of my juggling balls, and my brain is clearly becoming less functional at a rapid rate.

Comments

[icedrake.livejournal.com]

...games involving *placenta*?

(It seems that using your own for this sort of purpose would be rather inadvisable, given the timing, so... Is there this secret market for gently-used placenta that I was hitherto unaware of?)

[minor-architect.livejournal.com]

*ponders the baby shower issue*

Instead of having a shower that people must attend at a specific time, could you talk your gaming-friend into hosting a "floating" event? You just write the time limit on the invitations (from 2pm until 4pm, for example), set up a nice buffet for drinks and snacks, and let people drop in whenever they want during that time. That way, the people who don't want to talk to each other can all come at different times. And at a floating event, none of the guests are required to stay for the whole thing, either, which might reduce everyone's stress further. You'd have to ask for RSVPs to know how much of a buffet to provide and if you don't want gifts, say so on the invitation. (This close to the holidays, your guests might actually appreciate not having to shop for one more present right now!) Or ask them all to give money you can stuff into Guppy's college fund. ;)

Maybe something like that would work?

[ariestess]

This sounds like a fabulous idea. I second it...

[pixiewildflower.livejournal.com]

(hugs)

[haikujaguar.livejournal.com]

My baby shower consisted of my mom, my mother-in-law, and my two sisters-in-law and niece-in-law. It was not a big deal. It doesn't have to be! :)

As for discomfort, oh boy, I hear you. I was sleeping in a separate bed long before baby was born. And that became 'separate couch' when my only possible comfort zone involved sleeping propped up on the arm of the couch. :P

[shellstar-art.livejournal.com]

Aww I remember those days...... I sent off a parcel of clothes for Guppy yesterday :)

[shellstar-art.livejournal.com]

I third it.... I did something similar as I had a mix of family, old friends and Jamie's work friends... and I had another separate one organised for me by my Uni friends :) They both ended up being lovely, glad I had them.

[kittrel.livejournal.com]

At my sister's shower last weekend we wore nametags. There were family and friends and of course we didn't know one another. Still was a fun time though!

And eeesh, I wish I could unsee that cake! :P I mean, it's magnificently sculpted (or whatever it's called when creating cakes) but the thought of slicing it up and eating it kinda makes me want to gag. I hope they didn't! :P

There was no cake at all for my sister's actually, we did a sort of brunch thing, which was kind of nice. Everyone likes breakfast, and those who had other plans for the afternoon could still get to them. :)

[laylalawlor.livejournal.com]

Hey, I'd say that if the idea of having a baby shower stresses you out more than making you happy and excited ... just have a tiny little thing with the gaming group, let your friend do all the work, and don't worry about it otherwise! Though I suppose I'm not the best person to give advice on social affairs. I've never been terribly comfortable throwing parties myself -- I didn't have a bridal shower, and never did anything for my graduation either.

A floating shower does sound neat, but also more work to organize, and not really worth it if it's just going to stress you out even worse.

[pers1stence.livejournal.com]

I also like this notion. I think it should be thrown up generally to anyone who has expressed interest in attending or whomever you'd like to see or get to know better. They are free to come or not (and if they can't set aside their affection for you, well.....)Include Jake's co-workers if they are interested in attending. Jake isn't obligated to attend. And by all means, forbid the awful games! If you're comfortable with watching others imbibe while you don't, let there be booze to grease the social wheels. Other people are probably appreciative of the chance to meet new folks too!

(sorry if that was babbly -- the Project of Doom just wrapped)

[selinafenech.livejournal.com]

That's about the reason I didn't have a baby shower either :(

[taralphiel.livejournal.com]

Baby showers, to me, are one of those things you feel obligated to do but don't necessarily enjoy. I've recently gotten engaged, and I sort of have the same feeling about my engagement party.

I think that minor_architect has a great idea of having a floating time, and emphasising that gifts aren't expected. Less pressure, more fun and just spending time. More party, less typical baby shower. :D

Best of luck. Hope things get a bit easier in the sleep department. :)

[wyld-dandelyon.livejournal.com]

I love the idea of a floating party--maybe two floating parties, one scheduled right before your naptime, for people you don't know well, and one after, for people you want to spend more time with. Then let your friendly party-organizers chase away the first set of people when you start to yawn.

I've run floating parties; they're really not more trouble to organize than a regular one--they're kind of an "open house". You have the space and the munchies set up, people come in and socialize and leave whenever they do, within the set start and end times. Instead of an organized present-opening session, I'd say you open presents when people show up, so you'd want an attendant to take notes and an initially-empty table to display/put things on. You could open presents later, but seeing someone open your present is part of the fun of giving, so I wouldn't suggest doing that unless you feel strongly about it. (Though I do remember being warned, at my wedding, that there was one gift we were supposed to be sure to open in private--and that was a good thing for the sensibilities of my more conservative relatives, I'm sure.)

But really, it's YOUR party. Or parties. Whichever.

What will make you happy?

[uneide.livejournal.com]

Tums were my friend the last trimester of my pregnancy with chibi. Sleep was rather elusive without my body pillow though. :( just hang in there!

Also, is guppy a girl? ^^;; I have something I wanted to send your way, but thought I would double-check.

My baby shower was a handful of friends, and others I ended up inviting because they made noises about feeling left out ( SERIOUSLY? gah.) I'd say if you're happy with having just a handful of friends there, definitely do! And then if you have a baby registry up somewhere you could always link it on your FB or here so people so inclined might be able to get you something without feeling obligated. <3

[jenny heidewald (from livejournal.com)]

The stress is why someone else should organize the baby shower! And it ought to be a surprise, so you don't have time to dread being social. Though it is easier with people you know. :)

[jenny heidewald (from livejournal.com)]

"because I am wretched about presents in general and find them stressful for both giving and receiving. (No, I haven't done ANY Christmas shopping yet, either. *sighs*)"

Me, too. Christmas is a dreaded time for me.

[headchef.livejournal.com]

Have an E-Shower. No party, jsut everyone send gifties

[ellenmillion.livejournal.com]

The more I think about this, the more I like it - very low stress, and people can avoid each other if that's really important to them. (You always hope they can be grownups, but... :P)

Thank you, I like these thoughts!

(Getting good sleep makes it far less scary, too...)

[ellenmillion.livejournal.com]

If I had more family in town than just my sister, that would be a lovely way to go! I sometimes envy you your big, close-by family.

Someone else told me the first month of the last trimester was perfect - not yet uncomfortable, but all glowy and energetic. I feel totally cheated!! We've got separate beds already - I need foam, Jake needs concrete, so it won't be too much of a change, but I feel bad for making him move! We don't actually own a couch, but I foresee some nights in my recliner - being vaguely upright seems to help.

[ellenmillion.livejournal.com]

Ee! I'm so excited to see it, thank you!!

[ellenmillion.livejournal.com]

Hee hee. I PRESUME the games don't involve actual placentas, just paper ones or something. I saw a list of 'unfortunate' shower games somewhere, and few of the details stuck.

[ellenmillion.livejournal.com]

It's got some awesome points, I like the notion, too.

(YAY for PoD wrapping up!)

[ellenmillion.livejournal.com]

Yeah, those cakes have scarred me... :P

[ellenmillion.livejournal.com]

The idea is less stressful after a few nights of decent sleep, I admit!

I didn't do a bridal shower or graduation, either - our wedding was only 6 people (including bride, groom and officiant). Small seems to be my way to go. :P

[ellenmillion.livejournal.com]

:(

Do you wish you had, now?

[ellenmillion.livejournal.com]

Henna! Oh, I would LOVE to do a henna party! I love drawing with henna, and get almost no chance to. Brilliant!

[ellenmillion.livejournal.com]

I'm less stressed out by the idea, since hearing all these suggestions about making is less pressurey, and getting more excited by the idea. :P

Congratulations on your engagement!! I skipped the engagement party myself - being across an ocean from home at the time kept it from being a social event!

[ellenmillion.livejournal.com]

I love the floating party idea... this seems like a really good way to go!

[ellenmillion.livejournal.com]

I have essentially three body pillows right now, and fortunately, sleep seems to have settled out a little. Whew!

Yes, Guppy is a girl. :)

I haven't made a registry anywhere, because so many of the things I'd like are non-specific... books, for example - and there are a lot of things that I'm not brand-determined on, so it's hard to pick and choose. I am thinking I will post a list of things that would be nice, but it probably won't be a formal registry.

[ellenmillion.livejournal.com]

I'm sure impending doom move isn't helping this year!!

[ellenmillion.livejournal.com]

A fun idea!! I may have to do this! (Most of my closest friends are online anyway!)

[selinafenech.livejournal.com]

Yeah, but sort of only because it's the social convention, you know? Society makes me feel like I'm missing out :p
In reality, I would have had to invite my sister in law and had a terrible time, lol.

[selinafenech.livejournal.com]

Yes, that way I can join in! Oh, and a google plus hang out or something too? (Not that I've tried these yet or know how they work!)

[jenny heidewald (from livejournal.com)]

Noooooooooo.....

*cowers under the covers*