ellenmillion

I have put off making this post, but I'm writing it now.
( Had to unpublish Bloodhunt Academy from the Zon. )

Writing Bloodhunt Academy was an achievement for me, considering I wondered whether I could ever read or write again at some point before it. I can't just let it languish. I've started cutting the chapters into smaller chunks and uploading it to Royal Road (link!). It was not meant to be a web serial so I don't know, but I'm going to just continue expanding it instead of making Book Two separate. For the people who bought the book from the Zon upon release, and the ARC readers who indicated they wanted to read Book Two, I'm planning to send a free e-copy of the completed expanded version. If you bought the book, DM me with the email you'd like me to send it to and I'll save it on my ARC reader spreadsheet.

A consequence of the indie author dream fizzling out is that I'm having to terrify myself trying to figure out ways to have hope for the future. Trying to believe I won't live and die in this house. I'm having to face the prospect of jobsearching again and trying to stave off the depression that rises whenever I do.

My friend Venky sent me a job posting he saw that he thought I'd be interested in, and he was right. I applied for it, but the fact that I actually want this job, as opposed to thinking that something or the other will have to do, has made the tenterhooks another kind of torture. The employer responded to my application email saying they will get back to candidates within a certain timeframe. I waited for double of that timeframe to pass, with no word from the employer, before sending my followup email a few days ago, asking them for the status of my application. I hate how the process has played havoc with my mental health throughout. I'd probably go insane if I didn't have the tarot. Although I use tarot predictively, I don't usually do timing readings, because my success with them has been mixed. But not knowing how long I should wait or whether I was going to be ghosted entirely for a job I actually want was kind of destroying me, so I did a timing reading. I used one of my Thoth decks, the Parrott Tarot, because the Thoth system is less scenic and more symbolic which works better for timing.



Based on my reading, I'm assuming I'll hear from them next week. If next week passes by and I don't hear from them I'm going to stop waiting. The thought of not getting this job terrifies me. The thought of what to do if I have to stop waiting, give it up, find some other path somehow, terrifies me. I'm assuming I'll hear from them next week and, according to a predictive tarot reading I did that reassures me, I'm assuming I'll get the job.