On friendship and endings.

[ellenmillion]

I don't make friends so easily.

I get along with people easily, and people like me easily, and I easily add people to my like and admire list and could be friends if I let them... but people I would count as close friends? Not so many.

It's my own fault; my unwillingness to expose myself for hurt, my selfish desire for privacy and distance, my insecurity and conviction that no one really wants to know who I am with any more depth.

I'm made particularly aware of this today, as Matt and Nicki are leaving for Oregon.

I'm going to miss them. Terribly.

I'll be grateful to have my house back to myself, but I have a feeling it's going to echo, like it did when Jennie left, and I'm going to mope for a few days and wonder why I can't appreciate the emptiness I longed for.

*sigh*

My back is aching and I somehow agreed to stay at mom and dad's until 9 tonight so Becca can go to bible study. The kids will be asleep, and I can get lots of EMG done, but I just want to... eat ice cream with someone close. Go for a walk in the woods with a friend.

Isn't it funny, longing for friendship when it's leaving, longing for privacy when friendship is available...

Comments

[queststar.livejournal.com]

*hugs* I can identify so much with your words that it's almost scary, heh. I'm a very introvert person and althugh I generally don't have problems with people, it takes a very long time before I'm willing to open up, just out of self-protection.

Does it really mean the friendship will end now that they are moving? It'll be harder now they're further away but real friendships don't end so easily. And if you want to talk to them you can always pick up the telephone.. I realize that's far from the same but it's at least a small replacement..

[victoriagriffin.livejournal.com]

"longing for friendship when it's leaving, longing for privacy when friendship is available..."

i can relate to that statement far too well. :(

[mebird.livejournal.com]

Aww Ellen, I'd come over for that ice-cream or walk, if I could! But I know how you feel, I'm a terribly shy person and don't find it easy to open up to others. I'm a nice person and people like me, just not the getting to know me deeply kind I guess.

*Hugs* :)

[madilayn.livejournal.com]

Keep happy, Ellen. Remember, only geography will separate Matt and Nicki - the bonds of friendship will always keep them close.

Megan