Motherhood Milestone: Projectile Vomit

[ellenmillion]

Dainty Elsa Rose has had plenty of spit-ups - it's sort of expected with a baby and their primitive little potato-sized digestive systems. I expected to find it nauseating, but was happy to discover that it was pretty odorless and inoffensive, and usually just sort of dribbled out in an undemanding way. I got this, I figured, and I was pretty proud of my good reflexes to get a rag to the corner of her mouth when needed.

Today, we stepped things up a notch, to the dreaded 'projectile vomit.'



I was nursing her (which I've also gotten pretty cocky-confident about), and she decided she'd had enough, smacking her lips and rolling off in the usual sleepy way. I arranged her flat on my lap on her back, where we usually spend a minute or two before burping, which has worked well for us. She started a pretty good spit-up, and I picked her up into a sitting position on my lap. She managed to coincide a tremendous fart, a hiccup, sitting up, and a bit of a gasp past a snot that had goobed up one nostril. That primitive digestive system? Totally lost track of what it was doing, and Jake looked over in time to witness a fire hydrant of warm homemade cottage cheese and milk eject straight at my chest. I am astonished by the amount of milk her system had managed to retain... she soaked me from nipples to thighs, through several layers of clothing, with a chunky, half-digested stream of my own milk, while I sat there with a thoroughly gobsmacked expression.

Once Jake had picked himself up from the floor from laughing, he asked what he could do, and both of us got showers.

This motherhood thing? Needs to come with merit badges. I just earned a new one.

Comments

[difrancis.livejournal.com]

Yeah, there will come a time when she has to puke on your carpet and you have her barf into your cupped hands to avoid the cleanup factor.

Merit badges. Hazard pay. That.

[jenny_evergreen]

That. *nodnod* Also, yes, you have the poo to look forward to. We'd have a secret mom handshake, but, uh...eww.

[ellenmillion.livejournal.com]

*giggles!!*

[ellenmillion.livejournal.com]

So I have THAT to look forward to... O.o

[puffbird.livejournal.com]

Ohgosh, yes, that's a milestone I won't soon forget either.

[rix_scaedu]

You all did well.

One of my first challenges was when we were still in the hospital - meconium from somewhere up his back to his toes. I unwrapped and said to the nurse, "I don't think one lot of water is going to do it..."

[uneide.livejournal.com]

!!! XD Oh, oh the memories...!

Definitely earned a badge, my dear. <3

[acelightning.livejournal.com]

[torenheksje.livejournal.com]

There's a Part II to this badge - projectile vomiting combined with projectile diarrhea. You'll never forget it. It really should be used in warfare; the enemy would surrender unconditionally.

[ellenmillion.livejournal.com]

I already want to surrender!!

[ht.livejournal.com]

Merit badge for projectile vomit! Next up.... explosive poooooo... the kind when she's weaned and started on solids. A different kind of olfactory experience!

[browngirl.livejournal.com]

*laughs* Had I time, I'd draw a merit badge for you.

The other day one of my friends lifted up her son and said, "Who's my baby?" Whereupon he vomited on her, dousing her from glasses to thighs, and then started crying because he was hungry.

[ellenmillion.livejournal.com]

Oh my goodness!! *laughs helplessly* (It's funny when it's NOT you...)

[allykat.livejournal.com]

Ahaha! Oh yes, the projectile vomit.

My first "PV" was the day I had just finished cleaning my couch. I had happened to be sitting peacefully sipping tea when my water broke, and while next to nothing actually got ON the couch it was still a pretty big ick factor considering my father was coming to visit and would be SLEEPING on the couch (which is a bed couch but not in the same way American couches tend to be. He would still be sleeping on actual couch. Couch that my water had broken on. Ew.)

So as soon as I had recovered enough from delivery for some serious house cleaning I spent the afternoon whipping up soap foam with my hand mixer and scrubbing the crap out of the couch. It took hours but it looked and smelled great when I was done.

That night after the couch had finished drying I sat down with the kiddo and gave him a bottle. There was a blanket under us but he was in my lap facing toward the rest of the couch. A few minutes later AFTER a burp and for no apparent reason a FOUNTAIN of vomit went LONG ways down the freshly cleaned couch from end to end. I almost died.

I cleaned it again and didn't tell my father ANYTHING that had befallen the couch.

[allykat.livejournal.com]

P.S. I googled out of curiosity and there are in fact Mama Merit Badges out there. (http://www.mamameritbadges.com/shop/) Projectile vomit or indeed spit ups of any kinds seems to be overlooked, however. What an oversight!

[ellenmillion.livejournal.com]

AHAHAHAHAHAHA!

[raventhourne.livejournal.com]

I only had PV once when Benton was about 3 months old and we were up late and he was upset with gas I think. Got him some gripe water and about 10 mins later he burped and then shot milk/cottage cheese stuff all over my shoulder and the carpet. Impressive and scary cause it was so sudden but then he felt way better and was almost immediately asleep.

[ellenmillion.livejournal.com]

Yes! Everytime this has happened, Elsa just smiles, gets sleepy and is perfectly fine when she wakes up. My own vomiting experiences seem nothing alike. O.o

PV

[edward cammarota (from livejournal.com)]

Sounds like a system reset. :) :) :)

Re: PV

[ellenmillion.livejournal.com]

Exactly what it is!

[metasilk.livejournal.com]

You sure did!
:)

[pixiewildflower.livejournal.com]

XD