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ellenmillionOne of things I knew I needed to do for 2008 was prioritize. I can't do it all. Never could, never will, however much I'd like to.
I didn't really let go of anything when I crammed a day job back into my life. Five hours a day lost in commuting and working - but I didn't put anything down to do this, just got a little bit further behind on everything I was still trying to do and protesting 'I can do it, I can do it!'
Well I can't.
I'm crushingly behind just a week into my vacation, and I'm feeling like I will never catch up. And the things I'm feeling the most behind on are the ones that are supposed to be the fun, unwind-y things, like Kadanzer and RTH. I love 'em, I really do. They've been great communities and absolutely gold in refining my skills. But, I've got other projects that aren't getting the energy they need, because I haven't got any left for them. Time to reorganize so that I do.
I realized today that I'd made up my mind about this a long time ago, I'm only wondering now how many of my current commitments I can ditch, and how much of it I can delegate, and how much of what I'm feeling guilty about is justified.
I definitely need to get off the council at RTH - I'm honestly not that enthused about the club and the council needs people who are. It's turned out some great work, but I got drama-ed out awfully early in the project. I adore the other members, and it's decidedly the best EQ fanclub I've ever seen, but wow, what a time-sink. I feel most guilty about the webpage improvements I wanted to put together, but not enough so that I am going to cling to something that is only instilling guilt these days. I can update the webpage occasionally, as I pick through the code for TW. Greenweave honestly doesn't inspire me much, and it will be a while before Honey will be out of wrapstuff. Maybe I'll arrange to come back when she does, but I think that a year off of RTH in whole would be a good thing for me. I've got a secret santa trade due, but am feeling like I'll be able to wiggle out of even that - I never got my trade from last year, and this year haven't gotten one, either... I may just ask that my delayed trade partner do the one I should have.
Kadanzer is harder, in a lot of ways. I don't have as much of a commitment there, which makes it less easy to pinpoint as the timesink that it is. And Resla - my darling Resla! I'm got to tie up the whole V'lar/Resla/D'zan storyline - I've got just one and a half stories to finish and owe it to those four or five folks who are following it to do so. I may try to make it a goal to get that done by the end of next week. I've got it outlined tightly, just need to fill in all the gaps with prose. Again, maybe I'll come back to Kaz in a year. A year is a long time... and yet at the same time not really so very long. I can re-evaluate at that time, and if I've got the time and inspiration, I can go back, and pick it up again with fresh perspective.
This is the right thing for me to do right now. That doesn't mean it's particularly easy.
I didn't really let go of anything when I crammed a day job back into my life. Five hours a day lost in commuting and working - but I didn't put anything down to do this, just got a little bit further behind on everything I was still trying to do and protesting 'I can do it, I can do it!'
Well I can't.
I'm crushingly behind just a week into my vacation, and I'm feeling like I will never catch up. And the things I'm feeling the most behind on are the ones that are supposed to be the fun, unwind-y things, like Kadanzer and RTH. I love 'em, I really do. They've been great communities and absolutely gold in refining my skills. But, I've got other projects that aren't getting the energy they need, because I haven't got any left for them. Time to reorganize so that I do.
I realized today that I'd made up my mind about this a long time ago, I'm only wondering now how many of my current commitments I can ditch, and how much of it I can delegate, and how much of what I'm feeling guilty about is justified.
I definitely need to get off the council at RTH - I'm honestly not that enthused about the club and the council needs people who are. It's turned out some great work, but I got drama-ed out awfully early in the project. I adore the other members, and it's decidedly the best EQ fanclub I've ever seen, but wow, what a time-sink. I feel most guilty about the webpage improvements I wanted to put together, but not enough so that I am going to cling to something that is only instilling guilt these days. I can update the webpage occasionally, as I pick through the code for TW. Greenweave honestly doesn't inspire me much, and it will be a while before Honey will be out of wrapstuff. Maybe I'll arrange to come back when she does, but I think that a year off of RTH in whole would be a good thing for me. I've got a secret santa trade due, but am feeling like I'll be able to wiggle out of even that - I never got my trade from last year, and this year haven't gotten one, either... I may just ask that my delayed trade partner do the one I should have.
Kadanzer is harder, in a lot of ways. I don't have as much of a commitment there, which makes it less easy to pinpoint as the timesink that it is. And Resla - my darling Resla! I'm got to tie up the whole V'lar/Resla/D'zan storyline - I've got just one and a half stories to finish and owe it to those four or five folks who are following it to do so. I may try to make it a goal to get that done by the end of next week. I've got it outlined tightly, just need to fill in all the gaps with prose. Again, maybe I'll come back to Kaz in a year. A year is a long time... and yet at the same time not really so very long. I can re-evaluate at that time, and if I've got the time and inspiration, I can go back, and pick it up again with fresh perspective.
This is the right thing for me to do right now. That doesn't mean it's particularly easy.
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no subject
Date: 2007-12-31 12:26 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-12-31 01:58 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-12-31 02:20 am (UTC)I think what you're saying about taking a year off of both groups in order to clear your head and be able to come back to them with a fresh perspective is a good point. It's tempting to say, "but can't you just throttle way back and do the absolute minimum?" (which is "relatively little" at RTH and effectively nothing at Kaz since you don't own anyone with annual upkeep requirements) -- but you're right that that might not wind up feeling like taking a break.
I always think it's best when somebody is just really up-front and clear about disentangling from fannish stuff. Nobody's gonna get *mad* about you having to do it, and it's much better for the folks who remain, than the situation in which someone just fades away, or never makes a declaration and pretends they're still involved when they aren't. Making everybody clear on everything is, IMO, the way to disentangle with the least amount of possibility for guilt.
Just ask the folks involved to help you out. I mean, it's not like we won't be sorry that you aren't around! Far from it. But we'd rather feel like we were helping you arrange to make taking a break as painless as possible, I think, than the alternative.
I don't think you have to worry about Resla. My inclination would be to make her BOD-NPC (in order to handle approvals necessary for her appearance in stories). She's not the kind of character I'd want to see just anyone adopting. So she'd still be waiting intact in a year or so, when you were able to re-evaluate things.
I can understand your issues with RTH. The way the storylines are set up, just looking at it as an outsider, it doesn't seem like it should be that hard to arrange it so that the Honey situation can wait a bit, instead of having the pressure of it needing to happen but you not being ready for it.
I'm sure it'll all work out. *hugs*