The Joke is on Me.

[ellenmillion]

Shooting myself in the foot by mis-coding my practical joke and then wailing about the lack of reaction so I can't even fix it and use it next year made me sulky. So, I read back about the great prank of '06 to cheer myself up: http://ellenmillion.livejournal.com/2006/04/01/

And... it struck me as rather ironic. Look at how optimistic I am, just two years ago. I'm talking about incorporating, and how soon the drop-shipping storefronts will be available and how awesome they will be. I had just paid for my very own personal site - something I'd never had before.

When I posted that April fool's joke, the idea of closing EMG was absurd. Ridiculous to humorous proportions.

Now? Not such a long shot. The printshop/storefronts never got off the ground. I still have no assistant. I decided not to incorporate and take out a big loan. My personal site could be considered a bust. I got myself a day job and feel guilty that I can't do better by my artists.

Don't get me wrong: I'm not unhappy with any of the choices I've made. Let's be frank: the economy is not in a good place. Having another loan at this point would be unwise. Incorporating would mean more panic right now over taxes. I like my job and like, even more, the security that paycheck brings. In a few years, we'll have the house paid off and if I want, that art career can be as feast and famine as it pleases. It's good to get out of the house and interact with real people more.

And I'm not feeling defeatist - all that potential is still here. Some of the artists and their submissions are really exciting and they still seem to have trust and faith in me. That's got to be worth something. EMG-Zine continues to rock my socks. Portrait Adoption is still the best idea any gamer artist ever had. (She says humbly.)

But it's not where I thought I'd be, two years ago. I thought I'd have already run with that potential, that I'd have hit that breakthrough point, that I'd be... I dunno. More.

Maybe that breakthrough will never actually come. Maybe it will always be this hard, the progress this slow.

Maybe I'm turning into a reluctant cynic as the years pass.

Comments

[virtualcardsuk.livejournal.com]

I'm particularly proud of my 2006 April Fool too, check this out! :)

http://virtualcardsuk.livejournal.com/25271.html

Warmest wishes.

Steven x

[jenleeart.livejournal.com]

I feel your pain Ellen. I deal with the same stuff with my business here in Michigan. I'm looking at the list of events I have in front of me - both confirmed and wishing - and wondering what I can reasonably do without losing money. The economy is bad - Michigan's is one of the worst in the country. People can't afford to drive a couple hundred miles at $3.50/gallon, pay $12-18 per person to get in, eat, AND have money left over for 'frivolous' items. I bet I took a loss at half my events last year when I figure in all the expenses.

In the end, remember your vision of your business - because it can still happen SOMEDAY. Do what you can every day and be honest with your artists about what they can expect. That's really all you can do.

[uminomamori.livejournal.com]

Very worried about the economy too :(

[pixiewildflower.livejournal.com]

*hugs*

[kadiera.livejournal.com]

I know the feeling.

We are struggling a lot right now - not in terms of money for the business, but it's certainly not paying the bills - but in terms of time. We're both working full time, which just doesn't leave time for the things we need to do for the business. We fired our assistant in January - he wasn't getting things done, and we are still cleaning up the mess.

I don't know...I keep thinking maybe it's time to cut the product line to something manageable, or maybe just time to quit. It's not where we thought it would be, and we're in a different place....but we've been doing this for long enough that letting go is hard too.

[metasilk.livejournal.com]

I think there's room for what can come across as cynicism, but is more accurately "experience" -- and all experience is limited, sure, and the emotional weight we bring to it our own, and further, not all experience is useful towards assessing the next best steps. (Nice caveat, what?)

I bet you also know from your own experience that things are never "always this hard" or "progress this slow".

Oh, and joke on me for totally misunderstanding which April Fool's you were referring to!