Plugging along. (peptalk for myself...)

[ellenmillion]

I needed a peptalk. So I gave myself one.



I am not a failure.

Having finally come to the grips with the fact that relying on other people to have the same priorities as I do will bite me in the ass every time, I am rebuilding my site. Myself, with Greymatter, because I can't make heads or tails of this mySQL stuff, Jennie cannot get to it, and I have already lost months of sales. I'm going to stick with just a few images per artist, since the software *cannot* handle the load I was putting on it. Then, at least EMG Lite will be plugging along, instead of only broken ugliness. Then, when it actually happens, the new site will go up in its own leisurely fashion. I just can't wait on it anymore.

I am not a failure.

We're creeping up on five months being self-employeed. Ya know what I have to show for it? Record low sales, thanks largely to the webpage problems. Broken printer, meaning no (fulfilled) sales again for at least a few weeks. Nearly empty EMG bank account. Less than $500 in commissions and personal sales. A flop of a coloring book that I really had great hopes for (no one's ordered a single copy...). An incomplete novel. Portrait Adoption, thank heavens, plugs gleefully along, growing in leaps and jumps... I'm selling several portraits a week right now. Though I won't be able to actually fulfill any of the standard adoption orders at the moment...

I am not a failure.

I have to keep telling myself that, see, because I'm a mathematical sort of person, and the numbers say: GIVE IT UP NOW. If I were superstitious, I'd be sure that all the signs were against me and I'd be hung in horseshoes and stinky herbs by now, shaking in a corner, waiting for the other shoe to drop. If I were religious, I'd think God hated me and wanted me to have a day job. Fortunately, I'm only stubborn as hell and believe wholeheartedly in coincidence and bad luck, and still have faith that it will turn around eventually.

I am NOT a failure.

True, EMG Lite is fighting me every step of the way, and EMG New is completely stalled out, and my printer is broken, and it sure FEELS like I'm a failure, but I'm not, and crying on my tablet is probably bad for it and won't get any of my problems FIXED.

I'm not a failure. I'm not going to sit here and let myself think that I am. I am going to go get another cup of tea, color on Sundima for a while (due today!) and tackle the webpage again after lunch. I think I'll even paint for a while, and I'm NOT going to go into town and stare into my empty mailbox again wondering where Wish3 is. I have found the place I will order my printer from ($184 in shipping... *sigh*), and am entering my credit card info now, so at least I'm MOVING in the right direction, even if it's on sheer faith.

I can do this. I CAN. I am not a failure. I'm NOT. I just have to push forward, make smart choices, roll with the punches and NOT DWELL.

I must pursue emotional stamina. In the wise words of Attila the Hun: Each succeedingly higher level of leadership places increasing demands on the emotions of chieftains. We must ensure that our leaders at every level have the stamina to recover rapidly from disappointment - to bounce back from discouragement, to carry out the responsibilities of their office without becoming distorted in their views - without losing clear perspective, as well as the emotional strength to persist in the face of seemingly difficult circumstances.

I've got people depending on me - I have to put aside my terror and despair and do the things that are best for all of us without allowing myself to wallow in fear.

Comments

[hippiechic567.livejournal.com]

Um...I was gonna say something encouraging but you already said all the good stuff yourself!Hang in there! You're heading up a book that is sure to be a fabulous hit! How can it not when there are so many wonderful artists in it? Including me and you! How lucky can ya be?! ;)

[pers1stence.livejournal.com]

Drink some nice chamomile/minty type tea. Scritch the cat until it purrs. Step out on the porch and enjoy 3 minutes of fresh air and foresty view. Inhale and exhale slowly four times. Give your husband a kiss. Look around your house slowly one time, noting all that you have built.

Then starting quoting Dune, you know "Fear is the mind-killer," etc...

Okay, I'm kidding (mostly) about the last one, but I am dead serious about the rest.

[pers1stence.livejournal.com]

And then read the following without grinning:


"Let's have a little talk about tweetle beetles....

What do you know about tweetle beetles? Well...

When tweetle beetles fight,
it's called a tweetle beetle battle.

And when they battle in a puddle,
it's a tweetle beetle puddle battle.

AND when tweetle beetles battle with paddles in a puddle,
they call it a tweetle beetle puddle paddle battle.

AND...

When beetles battle beetles in a puddle paddle battle
and the beetle battle puddle is a puddle in a bottle...
...they call this a tweetle beetle bottle puddle paddle battle muddle.

AND...

When beetles fight these battles in a bottle with their paddles
and the bottle's on a poodle and the poodle's eating noodles...
...they call this a muddle puddle tweetle poodle beetle noodle
bottle paddle battle.

AND...

Now wait a minute, Mr. Socks Fox!

When a fox is in the bottle where the tweetle beetles battle
with their paddles in a puddle on a noodle-eating poodle,
THIS is what they call...

...a tweetle beetle noodle poodle bottled paddled
muddled duddled fuddled wuddled fox in socks, sir!"

[pers1stence.livejournal.com]

It's Dr. Seuss! From Fox in Socks!!!

[winterswitchery.livejournal.com]

*gets some pompoms and cheers Ellen on*

[dormantdrake.livejournal.com]

You could also go back to sending out a paper catalogue of all the stuff you print (rather than remove a great deal of it from your inventory) - just charge people for it. I'd pay money to have a paper catalogue again. ^^

[shoka.livejournal.com]

Flip side for the short term, make a pdf catalog with all of your items and a select few on the existing site until the new one comes online. Though before committing to this track, make sure you have the monthly bandwith to handle folks d/ling the catalog.

[watercolorwitch.livejournal.com]

Your not alone. If that is any comfort at all. As my belly grows and my bank account empties I can't help but wonder if I will ever finish my novel that sits glaring at me in bits and pieces not to mention finishing these paintings that are yet to see color. I think your pep talk was wonderful and I hope it helped, it gave me a little push thatI was really needing today so thank you.
I'm rooting for you!!
xxoo

[eozarth.livejournal.com]

You have a whole bunch of support behind you there Ellen :) Just imagine us all chanting "don't give up!" The majority of small businesses, I'm sure, go through tough patches, but if you can stick it out it will be so worth it! The goods and services you offer are faultless and have proven to be popular - it's just circumstance getting in your way at the moment and this can always, always be overcome :)

I've just started to draw again after a drought of -4 years- where everything I scribbled down was utter shite. 4 years! If that's not enough to make someone give up I don't know what is! But it's come back and I'm ecstatic, AND it means I should have more designs and whatnot coming your way. So you're not allowed to give up or I shall be vexed. Heehee!

[jeruu.livejournal.com]

Props for not giving up when the going gets rough. That is always a true test of your mettle. No matter what people are telling you, or what things seem like they're telling you, if it's something you really want, then don't let anything tell you that it's not going to happen. Keep your mind open for things that need to change, but always keep your goal in mind and I know you'll get there.

I'm routing for ya, Ellen :o) I know you can do it!

[wyrdpainter.livejournal.com]

Ahhh! I'm not the only one with the bad business blues! My favorite quote in moments like this is: "When you're going through hell....keep going!"

You'll get through this...I'll get through this, the Mountain Dew and Chocolate Chip Chocolate muffins tell me so. :)

[toeknuckles.livejournal.com]

hang in there. lots of people think you're doing a great job, and you really are.
there's no other shop like yours in the internet!
stuff will look up. you've just got to hang in there a bit more. i'm sure you'll come out the other side glad you did. 8-)

[jenelycam.livejournal.com]

Awwww sweetie!!! *BIG ASS BEAR HUGS* You'll get through it, cuz you're a winner!!!! And your so damned determined you make others look apathetic. ;P