Kids

[ellenmillion]

So here I am thinking about kids.

Kids.

My own kids. With Jake.

Now, I'm not thinking in a flush-the-pills and throw caution to the wind kind of way, but in a rather contemplative 'do we want them?' kind of way.

Everyone I've ever known has said I'd be a good mom - since I was about 8. I like kids! I'm not real keen on babies, as they don't do much more than cry and sleep and eat, but once they've developed minor communication skills and some limited mobility, they're a lot of fun. I never had younger siblings, but I've taught kids plenty of times, I used to babysit, I tutored high school students for years. Little kids, like most animals, sort of gravitate to me in a room. At the Christmas party here at work, I usually look down and find that a small person has latched themselves to me adoringly. I can very safely say that I am more qualified to have kids than half the people I see dragging little screaming, grabby monsters around Fred Meyers.

The questions I ask myself: Do I want to bring children into the world as I see it becoming? Do I have a social obligation to 'improve' the world with my progeny? Do I have the energy to add a child to my plate of things to do? What am I willing to sacrifice to be a mother? Anything? Am I even ready for a child? I'm hardly capable of feeding myself!

Maybe I should get a puppy this summer. I have a feeling I'm suffering one of those maternal must-cuddle-something girly-urges that Jake resists unless he's falling down sick and that Velcro squirms out of. Maybe it'll go away.

Comments

[cerberus.livejournal.com]

Or you can just get a copy of the Sims and see how you'd do with a makeshift family in there. The puppy is probably a bit closer to the real thing, but you never have to clean up after the Sims. ^^;

[wingedfantasy.livejournal.com]

First off I just have to get this off my chest, Ellen's Kids would be so COOL! :D But really, I knowwhat you mean about this world. I so want to have kids but the way things are looking it's not going to be a very happy place for who knows how long.

I say try a puppy or maybe even seeif a friend of yours with a kid might let you babysit the child for a weekend. That way you can get an idea. *shrug* I don't need to mention that you shouldn't rush into it. :) Your still young and have plenty of time to decide.

[tarlia.livejournal.com]

Not to discourage you or anything, but I don't want kids for the same few reason you're pondering. I don't think this world is a very nice place to live in anymore. There's no such thing as a "social obligation" to have a kid (Society is better at screwing a kid up than anything else). And anyway, raising another human being scares the heck out of me. But IMHO you are asking yourself the right questions. I have no doubt that you'll be a great mom if you decide to go for it and one does not have to be a small person to latch on adoringly to you.

.. a thought...

[uneide.livejournal.com]

Ah, because currently going through a similar dilemma....
My hubby and I agreed that after we sucessfully managed to keep our houseplants alive we would graduate to pets, and then to children. *S* still working on the plants!

Seriously though...?It is one of those things that I think you know when you are ready for, or not. I've always wondered how it would be, to take attention from my current babies, my art and writing to give to actual physical ones. That and I know my hubby would make a great father, but when it comes right down to it, it is the mother that is tied to them, always.

And yet... I contemplate, as I look at the news and wonder at the state of things. Do I want to bring them into this? Yes. Not because I want them to live in the turmoil and horror that could eventually unfold, but because I would like to think that they would be a grain of balance to the other side.

It comes down to hope, I think... ;) best of luck with the musing, either way, never an easy answer...

[fireborn.livejournal.com]

<< as they don't do much more than cry and sleep and eat >>

You forgot 'expel disgusting substances'--the direct result of the eating.

Personally, I highly doubt I'll ever have my *own* kids--unless I can find someone to bear the child for me. This body is just not cut out for it, and if you think normal life is bad, do you have any idea what pregnancy does to your spine? Plus my skin has absolutely no elasticity--the stretch marks would be murder.

So you might want to add "Would I survive my pregnancy?" to that list. It's funny, y'know... I see a lot of people who contemplate children and never even ask that question. The simple fact is pregnancy is more often than not hard, can easily be miserable, and occasionally is life-threatening. I mean, my sister had a relatively good first pregnancy and she was surviving mostly on carob chips. True, it's only nine months, and therefore gets overshadowed by the nineteen following years, but still--that can be a damn miserable nine months.

Me, I'm thinking if I ever do decide I really want kids, I'll adopt a six-year-old, or maybe even someone older. They say the older the kid, the harder the time they have getting adopted, which proves that not enough intellectual people are adopting--I'd prefer a kid old enough to think rationally, y'know?

Plus that way you skip the eating, sleeping, crying, and expelling noxious substances stage.

[ryer-ord-star.livejournal.com]

If you're not ready for a puppy, you could try a plant. Sounds dumb but if your plant dies I doubt you're ready to have a kid.

[tiranaki.livejournal.com]

Yeah, I know I'm not really qualified to talk about kids, seeing how I'm still one legaly, but, personally, I love kids, I love working with them. I think, Ellen, that, you are a great person, and you have so many wonderful qualities, and I haven't even met you, I imagine that you are even more of a greater person in real life, I think any child would be blessed to have you as it's mother. It's good that you are thinking everything through, that shows that maybe you are ready to have kids. I can't remember if you have siblings, or if they have kids, but if you do, maybe you could ask your nieces/nephews to stay over for a weekend, so you can try it out, see what it might be like to be a parent, or... you could try fostering a child.

[samanthagms.livejournal.com]

In response to "could you survive your pregnancy," here are some good things about being pregnant.

Some people are at their most beautiful while pregnant. I've also heard that some guys think pregnant women are sexy. Personally I like the idea of creating a new life...and you already have a good partner. What does Jake think about it?

I'm also sure that once you have a baby, you won't think of him/her as just a poopy-machine. :)