Feel like a whiny wreck...

[ellenmillion]

My head hurts. I think I did something to my neck and shoulders when I fell the other day - this is the fourth or fifth day I've had headaches. I need to make an appointment with the chiro, but I don't have the car this morning, and I have errands to do all afternoon. Back has hurt since yesterday, too. The bruises are beginning to fade - they *really* weren't that bad, so I feel wimpy as well as whiny.

Email appears to be broken.

Having various crisies (sp?) of self-doubt... my personal site is about ready to launch, and my nerve is failing me. I feel like my articles are elitist sounding and my art is substandard. I feel like I must seem very vain, and read conceit in everything I've written. I can't decide if I hope that lots of people visit my site once it's up, or if I hope nobody ever finds it. I'm terrified nothing will sell, and embarrassed of the prices I've set, after HOURS of back and forth over them in my head.

This creeping, widening LJ post-box thing is going to drive me insane.

I'm worried that I'm a terrible friend.

I'm concerned that I'm not pulling my share of finances at home.

I feel flaky and pulled apart at the seams, and I'm sort of morbidly sure I've *missed* something major that needed to be done some time in the past...

I'm frustrated that the new PA site isn't done, though somewhat distracted by my new site. I knew it wouldn't be by now, and no grief to the webmaster(s), but it's been like 6 months since it was supposed to originally be finished. Six months. It broke my heart going over sales figures to do taxes... this wonderful, steady increase in sales and hits until August, and then *pffff* (soggy balloon popping noise). I look at that uphill slog - very few people are visiting the site since it doesn't change right now, and I'm going to have to build that all up again from scratch. I don't mean to whine - okay, I do a bit, since this is LJ, and that's what it's for - but gaaaahhh... this is going to drive me crazy. I feel horrible for my artists, like I've personally let them down. There's so much *potential*, and I can't - quite - reach - it....

I'm totally frustrated.

Don't mind me. Seriously, I go through this a lot. It's never stopped me from doing what I need to do before and it won't now, but gah, just needed to vent a little.

Comments

[hippiechic567.livejournal.com]

Ellen, you sound tired and overly stressed.You definitely need to get to the chiro ASAP. If I am overdue for my monthly visit to the chiro, I suffer because of it. Stress does nasty things.Sounds like you need a vacation "Ellen" day. (((HUGS))) We all have doubts, don't worry. It'll all be OK. :)

[marina-bonomi.livejournal.com]

Ellen, first and foremost: take care of yourself! (and that's an order from the drill sargeant who's right besides me, lady, so you've better behave).
Second, I've no qualms to say that your artists support you. Let them down? You gave them the opportunity.
I *know* that without PA last year Tiziano and I would have had a far worse time paying for repairs of the hundred things that broke at once after a thunderstorm.
Right now, even if the site per se is amost still, PA's star client is posting descriptions and commissioning directly, so you can stop worrying on that account.

We love you, lady.

[frigg.livejournal.com]

*hands over hot chocolate and cookies*

I've seen your lists! If I were you I'd be a sobbing wreck.

[jessicolors.livejournal.com]

(((((((hugs)))))))

[klawzie.livejournal.com]

*hug*

[mizkit.livejournal.com]

Radically. Awesome. Icon. OMG. I have iconlust. May I steal it?

[klawzie.livejournal.com]

Of course! :D I did too! XD I was told it was free for stealing!

[mizkit.livejournal.com]

I'm concerned that I'm not pulling my share of finances at home.

Ellen, I feel like that ALL THE TIME, and I'm the only one *working*. Furthermore, I feel like a fraud for going upstairs to my office to work if Ted's cleaning the kitchen or vacuums or whatever. I think this may be the lot of a working artist. This is not to say I don't feel your pain or sympathize. I'm just sayin', I think there may be no way around it. Breathe deeply, my friend. :)

[celticwren.livejournal.com]

First off: *HUGS*

Second, I agree with everyone else about taking care of yourself! Yesterday I woke up with a slight headache that progressed to me feeling ill to my stomach later that night. I decided that though I really wanted to get that picture done that night, nothing was going to get done really well when I felt so bad. So I went to bed and worked really hard today (I need to stop slouching because it is making my back hate me).
PA: Without it we wouldn't have our star client who just bought two of my originals!!! (AAAA!!!! :D:D:D) I am super happy because this means I can get the $$ to visit my family this year, and I have renewed vigor in doing my art.
And I love the support system that is there with the message boards.

I am sure your site will do well, remember with pricing you can always change it. I've found your articles helpful. :)

[serenstar.livejournal.com]

Vent away. I'm similar about my art. I think it's clearly not good enough since no one seems to buy it, then I wonder if it's because I'm using Paypal and can't quite afford the expense of credit card processing. Or maybe I do suck? Don't update enough? Or something.

Hope your head gets better.

[wendyfairyweald.livejournal.com]

(((((((super hug!!!!!!!!!))))))))